|Sharp swimwear: French Vogue.|
There are some fashion items - fascinators, vajazzles, cut-out swimwear - that are about as much use as the England football team during a penalty shoot-out. What French Vogue is calling 'sharp swimwear' is just complicated, fiddly and too much like hard work. To say nothing of the weird tan lines. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing sharp about looking like John Terry's paparrazzi-friendly missus on a fake beach in Dubai. An hommage to Helmut Newton, they say, but even with a Brigitte Nielsen physique, you wouldn't, would you?
And as for the Chanel resort 2013 collection, this Marie Antoinette-inspired, one-piece is simply grotesque. Porno chic meets panto. Perfect for Lady Gaga, probably a bit too covered-up for Rihanna. But really. What would Coco say?